it has been a long time since i was here last it has been almost a month maybe a couple of weeks i dont know it would be a month if i had waited seven days but i didnt so its only been three weeks but thats still bad i will try to update at least once a week if anybody cares to hear about my life lately i have been having problems with special relationships i proposed to mary liew by email and she didnt have to say no i could tell by her silence and constant anger around me that she was punishing me for my stupidity she said she wouldnt dob on me but her silence is killing me i havent had a proper conversation with her since i told her that i love her and i spent a couple of days covering over my mistakes to erase all trace of her existence from my book of love poems for fe divina gracia the girl i am supposedly in love with but its so hard when she hasnt sent me emails since the start of this month that is why regular correspondence is important i send a bunch of emails to my friends today and maybe i will send some more to my friends who are not here anymore i dont know what to do with my spare time iseem to have so much time on my hands now that i dont have anymore lectures graduation night was so much fun all the girlswere wearing pretty dresses i got my parents to take photos of everyone i want to take my mind back to the happy times at the start of this week before life decided to suck and i got on this depressing downer that i cant seem to get out of i want my girlfriend to send me emails im gonna send her the book of love poems next week see im always falling in and out of love the other night i was turned on by the possibility of what a girl would look like and picturing this girl with a blue fairy tatoo on her shoulder but she had a boyfriend so the conversation wasnt going anywhere ok so next time im just gonna say im single and i want a girlfriend because im sick of this relationship that is going nowhere but if fe divina gracia sends me snail mail or photos or sends me any kind of correspondence then i will be feeling on top of the world again now ive got a lot of time on my hands ive got a lot of time to do absolutely nothing so ive just been listening to music and reading magazines all the time i saw meet the parents the other night maybe ill watch some videos later on today if i can get away with it and nobody is having classes upstairs i stayed up every night this week i said goodbye to mark and juliane last night i said goodbye to kate the night before and i said goodbye to katie and linda today and daryl is leaving tonight it is sad to see so many people leaving the last time i saw everybody together in the same roomwas on graduation night i dont know what to do with the rest of my life i think im gonna be a mission builder even though i dont really know what that involves now i can never solve my problems on my own strength i dont know what to do with my life i feel out of the loop most of the time as if i am a cyborg from another planet last night i was getting hit on by a gay cartoon robot named mr spock and i was flirting with blue fairy but she had a boyfriend and i was getting insulted for being a christian by just about everybody on the block i guess thats what i get for putting my beliefs out there but sometimes you just got to stand up for what you believe in never understimate my jesus the power of god can change the world i stay awake all night long i had three cups of coffee today and one cup of green tea abby left some green tea behind when she went back home some of my friends are stopping over in fiji on the way home i feel like my life is a waste of time i gave encouragement notes to all the beach to bush people and all the disco people but my correspondence to them still feels woefully inadequate and i gave love notes to all my mad friends before they left and went overseas how could i forget jc and robyn are gone too how could i forget my friends like that i miss them heaps and i saw anne mieke off at the airport i bought her some magazines so she could read them on the plane see im a nice guy and a jerk at the same time my problem is i find it difficult to stay in a relationship like i want to love just one girl instead of lots of girls simultaneously i want to put all my eggs in one basket im sick of playing the field i want to settle down and get a job and make my wife and kids happy but first i need to find a girl who wants to be more than friends and long distance relationships never work out i want to see the girls at my church maybe lina or roxy will go out with me lina is pretty but shes got a boyfriend roxy is pretty but shes too busy at university but maybe something can happen if i start attending church on a more regular basis of course girls is not the reason why i go to church its the worship and the family atmosphere and the free food like rice and noodles afterwards i had a big lunch today so much that i could not eat it all i got some beef with my vegetables so i complained and they said it wouldnt happen again im gonna read my filmink movie magazine at three pm until then im gonna try to make some friends in the chatrooms because i need to keep myself entertained somehow this has been fun ants are crawling all over the desks i had cheesy mushrooms rice and burritos for lunch so i dont think i will need any dinner i lost my malaria pills again i hope they show up they are probably in some of my clothes i scored lots of trousers and t shirts from the giveaway pile i miss my friends i hope i will see them again next year i willsee some of them at the dodging silence concert at the end of this month i need to get an application form so i can be ywam staff i will probably have to get my dad to vouch for me again but id like help from my samoan pastor too because i do have love for my local polynesian community live long and prosper all my homeboys and homegirls all around the world if you are reading this you are too close i only tell my friends of the existence of this website i dont know if anyone has checked it out yet fe divina gracia if you are reading this i love you girl you are still my sweetheart but please email me as soon as possible you are the most good looking gorgeous beautiful girl in the world i miss you hugs and kisses love daniel aka zombiefleshthemoonfaceone this goes out worldwide smile jesus loves you :)
