army of zombies

Monday, March 25, 2013

jackfruit rash and hole-y socks you would think by now i'd get the hang of this new post button. hopefully i will figure it out someday. it is so hot i am in my undies. anything else will result in me sweating like a pig. i got itchy feet. such is life. if i took my socks off maybe i wouldnt be as itchy but i dont want to get cold feet which sounds weird considering the weather but i have unusual hang ups like that. i keep thinking i've lost the wristband hope gave me because it slips off my wrist then i find it in obscure places like my walk in wardrobe or in random sections of my overloaded carpet. im thinking sean mc donald's music would help my friend rex as he is dealing with a wife who wants a divorce at the moment. she kicked him out of the house they shared with her mum. that's a messed up situation in itself as noone should have to share a house with their mother in law. it is normal for indians but not for westerners. of course he grew up in png so it's normal for him. adoption is part of their culture. often strays or relatives are taken in under the wings of family members and they grow up as part of the family. this lady noline gave up drugs alcohol and cigarettes. she has suicidal thoughts sometimes but she doesnt give up on life because she loves her son lennox. her son is african and she is maori. she has hearing difficulties. she has had a tough life but she is an overcomer in christ.listening to sean mc donald talk about the prodigal son funny because that is what they were talking about last night in the sermon at n.e.s church. it is easier to be committed to my long distance relationship when i am not tempted by easier relationships which are closer to home. when it comes to the crunch i crumble every time. it is funny how easy a girlfriend can become a friend when you are tempted by a hot female who you know you could see a lot more often than your female who lives on the other side of the world. it is hard to love somebody from a distance. i dont think i can go the distance. i dont know what keeps me from cutting off all ties i guess it is only because of that faint hope that maybe god might work it out and i might be able to get married someday but what if i am chasing after the wrong one. maybe it is because she loves me back that keeps me coming back for more even though i have broken up with her before. i dont know what it is that keeps me holding on.i'd like to say it's a god thing but i dont know for sure.there is too much doubt in my heart. i need to have more faith in the power of love to sustain me against all odds. my girlfriend is a lot more faithful to me than i am to her. i dont know what she gets up to but she tells me that she has had offers before and she just shuts them down because she is faithful to me. her girlfriends tease her and say she is lying about having a boyfriend i think it is because i dont want her to look like a liar that keeps me going. she is studying at uni and she sings and makes music videos. she produces her own music.i feel like i'm in limbo cuz i dont want to give her up but i dont want to live in africa for the rest of my life because i know i have a better life here in australia. it comes down to money in the end. i cant live without the good deal that i have in this country. i know god didnt call me to this country he called my dad. maybe i am thinking that because he is called to this country that i have a responsibility to stay in this country. i know england is in a better place financially. america is in debt but it is still used as the yardstick for measuring every other currency. go figure. i like my country but i dont really know what that means as i have two countries england and australia. i dont know how i would bring my girlfriend to australia. if i could get her a job over here i would. it seems like i cant go forwards or backwards. i dont know where i am going in life. i dont have a plan for the future other than to keep on rapping til the day i die. i want to sell all the albums i've got (47 copies) and hopefully be able to make more copies and make another album. i hope i can make my second album in zambia. i made the first one in uganda. my girlfriend sherry was singing on my first album. we have talked about doing more recording together. i hope that god will make it happen. i guess i just have to learn to trust in him more. i know he will bless me if i walk in his will for my life. ¶ 5:59 AM

Sunday, March 24, 2013

you know you havent done blogging for a while when you keep hitting compose until your brain cracks hard to believe i used to do this every day. maybe i am exaggerating again. i know this has almost cost me a relationship because of using the same terms of endearment to describe different girls but thre are only so many words in the dictionary. of course if you break up with a girl the next one along will wonder why you went your seperate ways and then perhaps begin to question the relationship you have with her. it was cool having some guys staying with us it feels like they are family like they have become my brothers. this house feels empty without them. i know they have their wives and kids and lives to get to back in melbourne. at least i know with one of them i have a place i can visit. i was disappointed when two of my friends didnt turn up when they said they might come and watch my choir performing at zilmere yesterday for one of them and chermside today for both of them. one of them almost had an out because i told them the wrong time but then when i called them to apologise they seemed surprised that i mentioned my performance so i think they had either forgotten about it or not intended to go. i met a cutie named alexandria who has seen soweto gospel choir when they came to new zealand. her dad is a pastor. why didnt i talk about the pk club? oh well maybe in two weeks when i see her again i can get her number and actually make something happen. until then. thank God for pipe dreams. ¶ 5:13 AM